Monday, January 7, 2008

It's Hammer Time

Whew! It was a long descent, but I finally made it down from Friday's soapbox. I feel much better now.

Well, it's January and our accountant sent us our tax organizer last week. My husband has been working on the year-ending books for our LLC's. It's time to hammer out those fateful numbers. I'm hoping to have the tragic news of our total losses to you by the beginning of February or sooner.

Talk about losses. Here is an article about rising from the ashes. Good ole MC Hammer is baaaack. He's found a new avenue to overcome the loss of his fortune and bankruptcy. He blew through $14,000,000 in money, and now a "small group of investors" is handing over $1,000,000 so that he can start an online dance contest web site. Okay. Am I the only one befuddled by this?

The article goes out of it's way to emphasize Hammer's technological savvy and entrepreneurial genius. But he lost $14M, remember? (I hope that others will be as generous with me at some point in the future.)

Maybe the big-time investors are holding off on real estate purchases, so they have some money to burn. And, since they just seem to be giving it away, I'll stand in line. I've developed a wealth (pardon the pun) of entrepreneurial ideas to spend their start-up cash on:

~Lying Bathroom Scale--set this scale to the weight on your driver's license! Feel good each time you flop onto it. It's portable enough to carry to family get-togethers and high school reunions to prove that your size is just an illusion.

~Dating Service--for a $250 per hour fee, we will inspect all of the clothes in your wardrobe and give you an approximate date of when they were in style.

~Adopt-A-Whale---for $1,000 a research scientist will attach your name to a whale's flipper. However, you have to be willing to share because your name may not be the only one on the whale. The number of tags allowed will be determined by the whale's buoyancy

~Pretend Family--$150 will buy you senseless sidewalk chalk drawings on your driveway in order to prove to the neighbors that you have kids. This will alleviate their suspicions that you are the childless couple who is filing the anonymous complaints about noise and trespassing with the police department, Child Protective Services, and the Humane Society. $15 a month we will send you a fake e-mail once a week from your boss, proclaiming your outstanding work performance and the fact that you are indispensable to the company. May be used as a reference when applying for other positions. **For entertainment purposes only!**

~Fake Foreclosure--Now, the lifestyle of your neighbors can be yours! For a small percentage of your assets, we will surprise your unsuspecting spouse by draining your bank account, maxing out your credit cards, claiming the title to your house, and scheduling couple's counseling in order to determine if your marriage is strong enough to withstand such a tremendous amount of stress. Only the most thoughtful husband will buy his wife a Fake Foreclosure.