Monday, April 7, 2008

GreenPoint Wants to Know: Trouble With Your Payments?

This is on the GreenPoint Mortgage service web site (GreenPoint doesn't exist anymore, but Capital One offers access to that site to continue it's financial services, like paying your mortgage online):

Are you having trouble making your mortgage payments?

We may be able to help. ; )

If you are having difficulty making your mortgage payments due to circumstances beyond your control (like the inability to control your spending habits), we may be able to help. We have a number of ways to work with you during these difficult financial times that may help you keep your home (like calling you 24 hours a day in order to scare you and your children into taking on two more jobs so your income will equal the amount on your loan application). If you are having trouble, please do not delay in contacting us (so that we can obtain your updated contact information and harass you some more).

Options to Keep Your Home

Repayment Plans

If you have the ability to resume making regular monthly payments in addition to a portion of the past due payment(s) , a repayment plan may be the answer for you (so, if you were never able to afford your mortgage in the first place, and are behind by $15,000, we will help you keep your house, if you promise to pay that all back and to make the unreasonable monthly payments on time from now on. No need to thank us for our altruistic offer).


If you can make the regular monthly payment on your loan, but do not have enough money to bring the account current, a modification of your loan may be necessary (in other words, if you miraculously can afford your payments now, we will add what you owe to the principal amount, charge interest on it, raise your monthly payments, and watch you go into default all over again).

What To Do Next

To start the process of determining if you are eligible for either a repayment plan or a loan modification, we may ask you to update the financial data that we have on file for you (please tell the truth this time so that we may compare the information against your original loan application and have you convicted of fraud). If a link appears below, please click on it and follow the instructions on the form. Otherwise, please contact us at the number provided below.

We understand that difficult financial times can happen to good people (and good lenders like us, who, technically, no longer exist--and it's all your fault).

Let us show you how we can help you pay for all the grief and expense that you have caused us.